THE GIRL I USE TO BE {DERRICK}

[derrick]

"Thanks." Derrick replied as he stepped towards her closet. He wasnt sure how comfortable he felt wearing the clothes of her ex. The ex he just so happened to kill no more than an hour ago but he was running low on clothes of his own. Most that he had packed on his journey had been destroyed or ruined. He found it easier to find left behind things from people who tried to flee home in a hurry. Derrick would normally just tend to a nice shower and fresh clothes then be on his way. In this case, he couldn't just leave. Boundaries were being crossed and it was only so long before he'd be tied down. The twenty-seven year old was already weak when it came to Marnie. She tempted just as any woman would but there had only been a few times during his travels where he gave in. He gave in because the next day he knew he'd be gone and the girl wouldn't matter anymore but it seemed different with the blonde. He had saved her life. She revealed her past and some of her feelings. She was on her own, with no one else and it would be hard for Derrick to walk away from that.

He thought this as he glanced at the woman before leaving her room. There was sexual attraction no doubt and it was hard for him to resist but Helene better. As he started the shower, Derrick contemplated how he would get away. Once he knew she was healthy again he would have to move on but for what? It's not like he was searching for anyone. He was just playing a part in trying to fix the world. But what's the use of saving it if he had nothing to live for. It was all so complicated and that frustrated Derrick. He let out a heavy sigh as he undressed and hoped into the shower. The hot water was soothing to his skin and gave him some relief to his stress.

As he begun to soak himself he heard the door open, knowing the only other person around was Marnie. He smirked slightly as she rambled some apologizes and backed out of the bathroom. This was probably the last opprotunity he'd get, so he reached out of the shower and grabbed a dry towel. He wrapped it around his waist and stepped out. "Come here." He offered out an arm before pulling her back into the bathroom. Derrick brushed some strands of hair from her face before leaning his face close and kissing her gently.

[Marnie O'Malley]

Marnie was surprised when Derrick offered an arm out and pulled her back into the bathroom. He gently swept some of her blond hair away from her face and leaned in to kiss her gently. Marnie closed her eyes. He kissed her gently. Marnie kissed him back just as softly and gently.

She'd forgotten how wonderful it was to be kissed gently by someone that actually cared about her. Derrick was so gentle she let herself get lost in the moment.

He was still slick from the shower but Marnie didn't care. She snaked her arms around him and pressed herself against him. She let her cheek rest against his bare chest. She could definitely feel the sexual attraction. She stayed snuggled up against him, enjoying the feel of his body against hers. She shut her eyes.

She didn't want to say anything, for fear of ruining the moment so she just looked up into Derricks face and offered him a soft smile. She gently reached up and put a hand on the side of his face.

"I'm glad I bumped into you today" she whispered to him softly.

She gently grabbed his hand and began leading him back toward the bedroom. He would stay with her tonight, not in the guest bedroom.

[derrick]

Derrick found himself holding back from being to rough with Marnie. It was odd because everything about the twenty-seven year old was tough. He walked around with confidence and no wear. He showed no weakness in his emotions. Everything about him was rough around the edges. Even when it came to the sexual stuff. Derrick was very dominate and he liked to be in control which is why he was always the one to choose his fate. He made the decisions based on what he wanted. Any other girl would have been pounced on by now but Marnie was different. He was almost afraid to make a move. It's like deep down inside he knew that if he crossed the boundaries with this new company of his, then there would be no turning back. There would be no running away, which is why he made his moves cautiously.

He not only kissed her softly because he was afraid of crossing the line but afraid that he would make her uncomfortable. Caring about what someone else thought wasn't normal for Derrick the past few years but for some reason he cared about Marnie's judgement. He only kissed her for a few moments before just holding her in his arms. Neither of them said anything for a while which made the moment better. They didn't have to say anything to one another to know what the other was thinking. Even as she commented on how fortunate running into eachother was, he still kept silent, almost afraid of saying the wrong thing.

So instead he Derrick accepted her hand and trailed behind until they reached her room. Without any more hesitation, he picked her up into his arms so her legs wrapped around his waist and began to kiss her again. With caution he leaned her back onto the bed, manouvering his body ontop while making sure he balanced his weight in his own arms instead of her. To be honest it had been awhile since Derrick had been intimate with anyone, especially with someone it felt right with. He took a moment to sit up and discard the towel and robe that covered them and then snuck underneath the covers with her.

BLACKOUT xD

[Marnie O'Malley]

Marnie smiled up at him. She placed her hands on his forearms.

She arched up and kissed him.....

The next morning, she felt warm sunlight on her face. A broad smile formed as she was sleeping on her stomach with her arms tucked under her pillow. Her right cheek was pressed against it. Memories of last night flooded her mind.

Derrick had been surprisingly gentle with her. The way he'd moved was incredible. He was almost afraid of her. Marnie sleepily opened her eyes, immediately catching the suns rays that poured through her blinds. She was still naked beneath the covers. Marnie swept her hand over the other side of the bed only to find Derrick missing. Snapping more awake, Marnie quickly pulled on a pair of jogging pants and a tank top. She quickly checked the bathrooms and the rest of the house.

Derrick was missing. He'd left.

A wave of emotion flooded through her. Hurt, anger, resentment but mostly hurt. She pulled her hair up into a ponytail while some of the shorter strands had hung down and tickled her cheeks. She headed down stairs and entered the kitchen. She poured herself a cup of coffee and sat at the table, crossing her legs underneath it. She wrapped both hands around the mug and stared straight a head with a stone face. A dark cloud drifted across her face as she stared out the kitchen window.

[derrick]

Derrick spent most of the night restless and rekindling what had happened with Marnie. From the moment he had met the blonde he knew there would be difficulties controlling himself. Contact with any female for a male who had been on his own for quite some time was uncontrollable. Marnie was different. She had intrigued him from the start and she had genuinely shared her feelings without hesitation. She wasn't afraid to open up to someone she barely knew. Derrick was surprised that no judgments had been made about his status as a hunter. What he loved the most was that she wasn't jumping all over him due to lack of sexual encounters. Most women he ran into during his journey were ready to pounce at fist site. The attention was flattering to his ego but to find someone who cared enough to restrain herself was a miracle. Regardless, the twenty-seven year old had put up a red flag the moment he had met her. He knew she would temp him. He knew her sweet and sensitive ways would get the best of him and they did. Derrick had given in to the temptations and now all he could think about was fleeing.

The hunter was up at the crack of dawn, despite the lack of sleep obtained. Derrick gathered his belongings along with the spare clothes that Marnie had offered the night before. He made sure to be silent so she was not awaken. The last thing he needed was to be caught in the act but his hunting skills were well at work. Before he was out the door, the tall blonde hesitated as he looked around the house. A part of him wanted to stay. He knew they had been emotions developed for the girl he had just met. He knew he was making a mistake by walking away but it was the best thing for him. He had been so use to running away and dodging attachment to others that he wasn't sure how to do anything other than that. Staying and giving a change to what they had was scarier than being on his own in a zombie infested world.

Derrick spent most of the day tracking across the town, killing any Animater in site. He easily fell back into his ways but as he neared the other side of town his insides turned. There was sunlight showering over the town as well as on his pathway out but all he could think about was Marnie. For so long he had ran away from his feelings. Tucked away the memories from his past and used his vengeance on the living dead. Never had he considered alternative options until now. For once something felt right, so why was he cowering away?

With what time he had left in the day Derrick used for the retrace of his footsteps back to her house. On the way back he has stopped in his tracks and considered turning back the other way but he would only feel like a coward. This was far beyond what Derrick was use to and he could only hope that Marnie would understand.

He took a deep breath as he twisted the door knob to the house he had spent the night and slowly walked threw the threshold. He glanced around for a moment until he spotted Marnie at the kitchen table. The house was silent and there was an eerie sense looming in the there. Derrick had for sure walked into a death trap. "Marnie?"

[Marnie O'Malley]

Marnie slowly turned her head and spied Derrick. She clutched her mug so tighrly that it shattered. Hot liquid spilled all over the table and dripped onto her lap. She slowly rose to her feet. She approached him. Angry tears swelled and spilled down her cheeks. Marnie let out a hurt sob and balled her fists up and pounded them against his chest.

"why did you leave me! Is that how you see me? Just someone to sleep with then leave in the morning?" she cried all of her hurt and anger pouring out.
The tears did not stop. She angrily shoved him.

"You are the first man to actually treat me right and not like garbage! I love you" she cried

It was true. Marnie had fallen for him the moment she had met him. For some reason, she had connected with him and it was more than what connection she had with Sam. It was much deeper and it scared her.

"I was so scared to let you...it was so hard after Sam but I really care about you. I took a chance letting you in my heart! How could you just leave me like that?" she sobbed.

She hadnt even realized that her right hand was cut from squeezing the mug. A bit of the porcelain had cut into the palm. Warm blood flowed and she finally felt the pain and let out a strangled cry that was a cross between her anger and pure pain. She shoved him again getting some blood on his shirt as she staggered over to the sink and turned on the cold water. She slid her hand underneath the liquid and felt uncontrollable sobs ransack her body. The water turned crimson as she kept her back to him.

She hoped he had a good excuse for abandoning her. If he had one at all. She slumped against the counter, her blond hair falling out of the ponytail.

"tell me the truth... Why did you bolt? Please dont lie to me. I cant take it. If you dont love me just tell me" she said shutting her eyes and pressing her face into her arm. Tears continued to flow. She was getting a bit woozy from her hand but she remained where she was refusing to give in. The water continued to flow over her hand. She shakily grabed a towel and wrapped it around her hand. She kept her back to him and gripped the counter. Her shoulders slumped as she waited for the dreaded response

[derrick]

Derrick raised an eyebrow as the mug crumbled between her fingers. Had he expected that kind of strength from her? Not in the slightest bit. Not that he underestimated her but he wasn't anticipating this type of reaction to his absence. Maybe he could quickly make up something. He could use the excuse of hunting. That was after all what he had been doing most of the day though it was during his escape from the town. Sure it would be a lie but what she didn't know wouldn't hurt her right? Derrick wasn't sure what had been his dumbest move. Giving in to the temptations or leaving. Either way it left him with no way out. He would have to own up to his actions. If she gave him a chance to talk that is.

"Of course not." He shock his head at her first accusation. That was something he had done with women. He'd sleep with them and leave the next day but carrying on with his journey was never difficult after wards. Marnie had been the only woman he had ever turned around for the past few years. In fact she had been the only girl Derrick had ever committed his self to. Maybe one day was too early to tell but if the twenty-seven year old had come back for her then he knew it was meant for something. Sure he did try to run away at first but he was there now. That counted for something right?

Derrick shut his eyes at the sight of her crying. This was why he was never good with relationships. His stubborn ways always got in the way and he for some reason was the bad guy. He took the punches against his chest knowing he deserved it. There was no use in trying to restrain her. Allowing her to blow off steam was the only way to go. Once she got it all out she would calm down and hopefully then he would get to opportunity to explain. Until then he would have come up with something to say. Thinking on the spot wasn't the smartest option at the moment. Anything he said could make only matters worse.

Those three little words with such a big meaning left the man in silence for a few moments. He was so caught off guard that he hadn't even noticed her hand was bleeding until she shoved him again. The mutual feelings between them were strong but he never really considered love until now. Maybe she was right. Maybe this was love because never before had he felt it. Derrick couldn't be sure but he knew something felt right. At the moment, all he wanted to do was hold her and comfort her and let her know everything would be okay but he was afraid. As usual. Cowering in a nonchalant way was his defense.

He wanted to help because he felt her wound was more important at the moment but all he could do was follow her into the kitchen. Derrick continued to keep silent until she asked a direct question and waited for his answer. "I was hu-..." He stopped himself from finishing the one excuse he had. It would be no use. She would see right threw his lies but he wasn't sure how to explain himself. "Marine I...I don't know what to say." He shrugged trying to conjure up the truth. "I've been alone since the apocalypse started. My family was killed. I had no one..." Which he was sure happened to many people but it was the main reason why he suppressed his feelings. "I haven't had to worry about losing someone for awhile. At least until yesterday. I saved your life and it reminded of my losses." Derrick bit down on his lip and looked down for a moment.

He took a moment of silence before grabbing a towel for her wound. He stepped next to her and engulfed her bloody hand within the fabric. "I'm just don't want to lose another person I love." He let out a deep breath as he looked her in the face.

[Marnie O'Malley]

Marnie sensed Derrick beside her and let him wrap the towel around her hand. She let him talk, listening to every word he said closely. When he said that he didn't want to lose another person he loved, Marnie's heart broke and her anger ebbed away. He was just as scared as she had been. She slowly turned to face him and stared into his eyes deeply.

He'd obviously been alone on his own for some time, that he'd been scared. Wordlessly, Marnie snaked her arms around him, under his arm pits , placing her palms against the back of his shoulder. She slowly drew close to him, pressing the side of her face against his as her chin rested on the grove of his shoulder. She hugged him tightly.

She snugged her head under his throat and just held him. After a few moments, she spoke.

"Oh Derrick. I'm so sorry. I thought I was used. Last night had been wonderful" She said quietly, keeping her eyes shut against the hollow of his shoulder. "You're the first man I've connected with in a long time. It scared me. I thought you didn't feel the same way"

She felt safe and secure in his arms. He was slightly taller than her but that was fine. It didn't bother her much. Whatever he had done in the past was over. It was now time to look to the future. She slowly pulled back and put her hands on the side of his face, pressing her forehead against his.

"I love you. Very much" Marnie said softly and waited.

[derrick]

Derrick let out a soft sigh of relief as Marnie seemed to calm down. He was lucky that she was so sweet and considerate. There were many women who wouldn't have forgiven. There were many who would throw it back in his face. It was, after all, what he deserved. It was no doubt that he had hurt many people along the was. All those groups trying to survive while offering open arms to a stranger. It was probably the nicest people had been in decades. Go figure. It would take an apocalypse for those to realize that life is sacerade and needed to be treasured. Like them, it had taken Derrick his whole life to love someone other than his family. They always came first and now they weren't around. Too long had he dwelled on the past and it took till now for him to realize that he just needed to move on. He needed someone else worth fighting for. Someone like Marnie who accepted him for who he was. He was more than grateful that she had forgiven but now he knew there was absolutely no turning back. Staying was his ultimate choice and he had to live up to his decisions.

"It's okay. You had every reason to be mad." Derrickdeserved that much but he was thankful it was now behind them. He wrapped his arms lost around her waist and rested his chin on top of her head. It was nice to have her in his arms again. Like last night. Everything about the night before had been perfect. Aside from the near death incident. Now he would have to rethink his plan when it came to hunting. He couldn't longer travel but he couldn't give up his purpose. "I love you too." He kissed her forehead softly before pulling away. He meant what he said but he was still worried about the consequences. In this world it was risky to have loved ones.

"How about we tend to your hand now." Derrick smirked as he grappled her hand and led her to the bathroom where he would fix her cuts. He was no doctor but he knew how to survive.